The Unhealed Wounds That Shape Our Relationships
For the longest time, I didn’t understand why I kept ending up in relationships that left me feeling empty, unseen, and unworthy. It felt like a cruel cycle—attracting emotionally unavailable people, chasing after love that was always just out of reach, and feeling utterly shattered when, once again, I was left disappointed and hurt. I thought I was just unlucky. But the truth was, I had wounds I had never healed, and those wounds were leading me straight into the arms of people who would only make them deeper.
When you grow up feeling like love is something you have to earn, you will spend your life trying to prove you are worthy of it. That was me. My inner child—the part of me that still carried past hurts, rejections, and unmet needs—was running the show. And because I had never done the work to heal her, she kept leading me into relationships that felt familiar, even if they were destructive. I sought validation from people who were incapable of giving it. I chased after emotionally unavailable partners because, deep down, I believed love had to be fought for. And worst of all, I attracted narcissists who saw my need for love and used it as a tool to manipulate and control me.
The problem with not healing your traumas is that they don’t just disappear. They show up in the way you choose partners, in the way you tolerate mistreatment, in the way you shrink yourself to be more lovable. My need for acceptance was so deep that I was willing to endure relationships where I was never prioritized, never truly seen, and never fully loved. And each time, my self-worth took another hit, reinforcing the false belief that I wasn’t good enough.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Healing is possible. And it doesn’t matter when you start—only that you do. You don’t have to stay trapped in these cycles. You don’t have to keep settling for less than what you deserve. The moment you start acknowledging your wounds and working through them, everything changes. You begin to recognize red flags instead of romanticizing them. You stop chasing love and start choosing it. You learn to give yourself the validation you once sought from others.
If you’ve found yourself in these patterns, please know—you are not alone. Many of us have carried wounds from childhood into our adult relationships, believing that if we can just get the right person to love us, it will finally heal what’s broken inside. But love from another person isn’t the answer. Healing yourself is.
Take the time to do the work. Seek therapy, journal, connect with your inner child, set boundaries, and remind yourself daily that you are already worthy. The more you heal, the less you will be drawn to people who can’t love you the way you deserve. And one day, you will look back and realize that the love you were so desperate for was within you all along.
Healing takes time, but it’s never too late to start. And I promise you, the version of you that has done the work—the one who knows their worth and refuses to settle—is waiting on the other side. And they are so, so proud of you for choosing yourself.