The Book ‘Attached’: Why It's a Game Changer
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why you keep ending up in the same frustrating relationship patterns, Attached by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is the book you need. It breaks down attachment theory in a way that actually makes sense, showing how the way we connect with others is largely shaped by our attachment style. Once you understand yours, relationships start to make a whole lot more sense.
The Three Main Attachment Styles
The book simplifies attachment theory into three core styles:
Secure – Comfortable with intimacy, communicates well, and doesn’t play games. Basically, relationship goals.
Anxious – Craves closeness but often worries about where they stand, leading to overthinking and seeking constant reassurance.
Avoidant – Values independence, struggles with emotional intimacy, and tends to pull away when things get too close.
Why This Book is So Important
So many of us go through relationships on autopilot, repeating the same cycles without realizing why. Attached is a total wake-up call—it helps you understand yourself, your past relationships, and how to build better ones moving forward.
Biggest Takeaways
Know your attachment style. Once you do, you’ll start recognizing patterns in your dating history (and they’ll make way too much sense).
Choose better partners. If you’re anxious, you might be drawn to avoidants, which creates a rollercoaster dynamic. Learning this helps you break the cycle.
Improve communication. You’ll learn how to express your needs in a way that actually strengthens relationships rather than creating more drama.
You’re not stuck. Just because you’ve had a certain attachment style doesn’t mean you can’t shift toward a more secure one with awareness and effort.
Why I’m Devoting an Entire Blog Post to This One Book
Simple—I wish I had come across Attached years ago. It would have saved me from making some of the wrong choices in my dating history, repeating unhealthy patterns, and falling into relationships with emotionally unavailable people. Most importantly, it might have helped me avoid an abusive relationship that forever changed me (don’t worry, there’s a happy ending—more on that in future posts).
This book was a complete eye-opener. It forced me to take a hard look at my behaviors, recognize the ways I was self-sabotaging, and finally break the cycles that were holding me back. It gave me the awareness I needed to make real changes in how I show up in relationships.
Now, let me make something very clear: There is nothing wrong with you, no matter which attachment style you have or what your relationship history looks like. Too often, we judge ourselves, label our behaviors, and carry guilt or shame for the mistakes we’ve made. That’s not what I’m here to do. We all screw up. We all say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and make choices we wish we hadn’t. What matters is that we learn from those mistakes and become aware of the patterns we need to change. It’s never too late to break the cycle and create a healthier, happier future.
For me, this book highlighted where I was anxiously attached, where I was projecting my inner child wounds onto others, and how I wasn’t showing up as my best self. And here’s the thing—it didn’t just change how I approach romantic relationships. It changed all my relationships. That, to me, is an immense gift.
I encourage you to read this book because I truly believe it has the power to shift your perspective and bring you real clarity. If you’ve read it, what was your biggest aha moment?
Final Thoughts
Attached is one of those books that changes the way you see relationships forever. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or just trying to figure yourself out, this book gives you the tools to build healthier connections.