The Love You Seek Begins With You: A Healing Journey Back to Wholeness

When I started therapy at the beginning of last year, I truly had no idea just how much I was carrying. I didn’t realize how many wounds—both from childhood and adulthood—were still living in me, shaping the way I moved through the world. I wasn’t aware of how much healing I truly needed. But once I opened the door, there was no going back. What I discovered on the other side has been nothing short of transformational.

This journey hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But more than that—it’s been the most powerful. Therapy didn’t just help me “feel better.” It helped me uncover deeply buried beliefs, patterns, and parts of myself I didn’t even know were there. It helped me begin to release pain I had normalized. And perhaps most importantly, it taught me how to truly love myself—for the first time.

The Wounds We Don’t Know We Carry

We all want love. Deeply. Wholeheartedly. We crave connection, partnership, acceptance. But so often, we’re seeking it from a place of lack—from wounds we haven’t yet acknowledged, let alone healed. I know I was. I desperately wanted love. I wanted to be chosen. I wanted to be seen. But underneath that longing was something much more tender: a belief that I was unworthy of love. That I was somehow not enough.

And here’s the thing: I didn’t even know I felt that way.

On paper, my childhood wasn’t bad. It wasn’t perfect (no one’s is), but I had loving parents. Still, I carried unspoken, unprocessed pain. My grandparents constantly critiqued me—I was always doing too much or not enough. I never felt like I could get it right. That messaging—subtle but consistent—started forming the foundation of how I saw myself.

On top of that, I moved around a lot growing up. I immigrated to the U.S. when I was almost 9, and until the 6th grade, we moved nearly every year. I was constantly the new kid. Constantly trying to belong. I was picked on. Girls I thought were my friends made fun of me. I felt like I was always on the outside looking in. I didn’t understand it then, but all of those experiences shaped my sense of self. I internalized a story that I was unlovable, that I didn’t fit in, and that I had to earn love by being perfect, pleasing, or performing.

How Unhealed Wounds Show Up in Love

When you don’t believe you’re worthy of love deep down, you start to seek out relationships that reinforce that belief. I attracted emotionally unavailable partners, narcissists, and people who couldn’t meet me where I needed them to—because on some level, I didn’t believe I deserved more. I mirrored back the pain I hadn’t yet healed. And worse, I kept trying to fix people—because if I could make them love me, maybe that meant I was worthy after all.

It wasn’t until therapy helped me uncover these patterns that I could finally begin to break them.

And let me say this: healing is fucking hard.

It’s not pretty. It’s not linear. You will cry. You will resist. You will face memories you tried to forget and feelings you pushed down so deep you didn’t know they were still inside you. But that pain? That discomfort? That’s where the magic happens. That’s the sign you’re actually doing the work. That’s what it takes to become whole.

You Can’t Attract the Love You Want Until You Love Yourself First

I heard something on Lewis Howes’s podcast recently that hit me like a lightning bolt. His guest said: You have to be willing to let go of the part of you that needs a partner. Because when you need someone, you're not in your heart—you’re in your mind. And when you’re in your mind, you’re operating from fear, lack, and survival mode—not love.

That stopped me in my tracks. I realized that for so long, I was seeking love to avoid being alone. I didn’t actually want a partner—I needed one to make me feel whole. But true love—soul-connected, heart-centered love—can only find you when you already feel whole on your own.

That’s what I’ve been working on. And slowly but surely, I’ve built a relationship with myself that I never thought possible. I no longer look for love to complete me. I already am complete. And from that place of wholeness, I know the love I attract will be the kind that sees me, honors me, and matches me.

Let the Old Die So the New Can Be Born

Healing requires letting go. Releasing the past. Saying goodbye to the pain, the patterns, the parts of yourself you clung to for safety but which no longer serve you. That’s the only way to make space for the life—and the love—you truly deserve.

I was stuck for so long because I kept clinging to my old identity. The wounded girl. The outsider. The one who wasn’t enough. But once I let her go—once I sat in the mud and faced everything I tried to avoid—something beautiful started to emerge.

Now, for the first time in my life, I feel at peace. I feel powerful. I have an unshakeable sense of worth. I love myself deeply. I accept myself fully. And let me tell you: that is magnetic. That is healing. That is freedom.

To Anyone Reading This: You Are Not Broken

If you’re on your healing journey right now—if you’re knee-deep in the messy middle—keep going. You’re not alone. And there is so much beauty waiting for you on the other side of this work. Therapy may not be the answer for everyone, but healing the parts of yourself you’ve ignored or avoided is the key to living the life you’ve always wanted.

You are worthy of love—not because of what you do or how you perform—but because you exist.

And once you truly believe that? Everything changes.